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Ruby McCracken’s Guide to the Ordinary World

Posted on 30/10/2017 in Ruby McCracken

Hi! I’m Ruby McCracken, and I’m a witch. Well, I was a witch, until my parents forced us to leave our home in the magical world of Hexadonia to come and live in the Ordinary World, with NO magic! It does mean I’m now something of an expert on blending in here, so I’ve written this guide for any other Hexadonians who might want to visit!

First Things First

Black cat

  • Magic doesn’t work in the Ord World. Not even the Snack Spell.
  • Don’t forget to convert your cash to Ord money. You’ll get some funny looks if you try to pay with bronze ingots.
  • Familiars react strangely to the Ord World. Be prepared for some minor shapeshifting…

Eating and Drinking

  • When going to a restaurant in the Ord World, ask WHAT’S on the menu, not WHO.
  • Ords eat eggs from chickens instead of spiders, and their milk comes from cows instead of bats!
  • Ords actually LIKE chocolate, and ice cream. Disgusting!
  • They don’t have sandwitches in the Ord World. They have something similar called sandwiches, but they have the filling on the inside, which just doesn’t make sense.

Entertainment

  • A Spelling Bee in the Ord World doesn’t actually involve any magic spells. Instead, they just have to say the letters of a word in the right order. So boring.
  • Don’t expect to find live snakes in any Ord World board games. Their version of Snakes and Ladders is just pictures on a board. This place is so incredibly dull.
  • Apparently, an orange head impaled on a stick is not an appropriate craft activity for Girl Guides.

Fashion

Witch's hat

  • Ords have something called lipstick, which is like our lobestick but instead of putting it on their earlobes, they put it on – you guessed it – their lips. I mean – I can’t even…
  • Hats aren’t allowed in the classroom – unless you tell your teacher you have a highly infectious disease.
  • Ords actually try to prevent their teeth from rotting and falling out. They go to see someone called a “dentist” who makes their teeth white and clean. Urgh!

Making Friends with Ords

  • Flowers are thought to be a good thing. Ords actually like them, and give them to each other as gifts (and they heartlessly kill weeks, if you can believe it).
  • Loads of people in the Ord World are scared of really normal things like spiders, ghosts, vampires and even witches!
  • Instead of normal nicknames like “Slimeball”, people call you “Honey”. Which is weird because as we all know, honey is something criminals are forced to eat in prison.

I hope your visit to the Ord World is more fun, less permanent, and less dangerous than mine!

Oh, and if you wanted to bring me some treats from the Outdoor Insect Market back in Hexadonia, I’d be eternally grateful!


Find out about Ruby’s first adventure in the Ord World in Ruby McCracken: Tragic Without Magic by Elizabeth Ezra. The perfect spooky read for Halloween!

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